That Little Nagging Voice
by Bapuppydog
Summary: This is a story that I typed out one night...Bella sorta loses it, breaks down, and reflects...set sometime around Eclipse...I'm not really sure where this is going but here goes! Mild language


A/N: This idea came to me while I was working on another fiction and I suddenly pictured a bit of conversation in my head. I quickly typed it out on a separate page (it couldn't have fit with my other fic if I tried) and then went from there. it's different than anything I've ever written, so any comments and criticisms would be much appreciated.

Remember…Reviews = Love :)  
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That Little Nagging Voice

It had been four hours and seven minutes exactly. I looked at my clock once more before pulling my blankets over my face. _He'll come back_, Bella. I told myself. _He's just off having some fun with his brothers. He'll come back to you._

And yet. Four hours and nine minutes. I knew I was lying to myself. _Don't pick up that cell phone. Do _not _pick up that phone and dial_.I snatched the silver phone off my bedside table_. Damnit Bella, do not hit redial. For the love of God, do not hit redial. _But it was too late. My fingers had already hit the buttons.

"Hey, this is Edward. I'm not here right now -" I didn't bother leaving a message. I'd already left three. They all said the same thing. Mostly I just liked to call and hear his voice. Pathetic.

A little voice in my head begged the obvious question. _Why is his phone turned off? _The other little voice smacked the first voice into submission. _Because he's hunting, you dumbass. _Still, I felt uneasy. It was as if I could not lay still a minute longer. _I have to get up, now_. I sprung out of bed and began to walk around my room, picking up random bits of clothes and notebooks and CD cases and setting them back down again. _What are you looking for, Bella?_

Nothing. Anything. Everything. _Him. _The desperation leaked through into my most private thoughts. _Tough luck_. My knees buckled. My throat tightened. I couldn't breathe. Why was he taking so long?

_Because he feels trapped. This is his only escape. You begged him to become immortal. You pushed yourself on him. He can't live without _you? You _can't live without him! He seemed to do just fine on his own. Not you, Bella. You crumbled. You snapped. You lost your God damned mind. _

No. He was returning for me. He wouldn't cut out on me now. Not three days before the wedding. Jesus, the wedding. What would I tell everyone? _Sorry you came all this way in such an ill state of health, Grandma, but my fiancé felt trapped and ducked out on me. _I sat on the edge of the bed. I could not even imagine facing Alice. Oh, Alice. Perfect, sweet, over-the-top Alice. Her poor heart would break in two. Humiliation caused a new set of hot tears to spill over onto my cheeks.

I walked over and went to sit down on the edge of the bed. I misjudged my distance, however, and I slid down to the floor in a crumpled heap of pathetic. I had no desire or energy to pull myself up with, and instead curled into fetal position. It was then that I spotted the envelope. Unopened, it stuck out from under my school things. It must have fallen a while ago. I snaked my arm under and tugged the envelope out with one sharp pull. With shaky hands, I broke the seal only to discover a single sheet of white paper inside. In lovingly familiar scratched ink, beautiful words tore my heart up once more.

Dear Bella,  
I'm sorry, but I can't love you. Please stop trying to make this work.  
Goodbye forever.  
Jacob.

The letter was undated, and I tried to calculate out when I had probably received it. Was it possible that this was recent? Did Jacob have a new hatred for me? Or was it months old, delivered by Charlie, and pushed under the bed? I had to know. _What does it matter, Bella? He hates you, anyway. Let it go. Let him go._ _Do you really want the heartache again? _No, of course not. But a part of me couldn't help but wonder. I shook all thoughts of Jacob from my head. I looked at the clock. Four hours and seventeen minutes. Twenty seconds. Twenty one. Twenty two. I stood up. Too fast. I was dizzy. I sat back on the dusty hardwood floor. _No wonder he left you. Look at you. You are a pathetic mess. _

Jacob? Or Edward? Did it really matter? Both had left their mark. I reached for the cell phone again. _No Bella, that's weak_.

But this time, I dialed a different number. Alice. She picked up on the first ring. "Tell me everything." And so I did.


End file.
